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| Where to turn? |
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| Friday, 04 May 2007 | |
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You know what, who can a person actually turn to when they are feeling down? People are so full of false promises, aren’t they?
The friends who say that they will never choose a guy over a friend, or that they will always be there for you… you know how much I love the girls that I call my best friends, but clearly they don’t value me in the same way as I value them. Sometimes I feel that im the only true friend out there, because every single one of my friends has let me down in some way. What, is it because im no longer INTERESTING enough, because im not being raped every week of my life now? Like they’ll stick around for the main show, but don’t want to help me deal with the aftermath? Its not like I talk about him that much, I focus much more on their insignificant troubles than my own. And even friends that I thought were different, seems like the guys come first… some loyalty. I guess im not treasured the way I treasure others. I feel really alone and depressed, I know I sound so overdramatic but I feel betrayed. my dearest friend, my rapist’s wife, was turned against me, and now one by one I feel every one else slipping away. I don’t know where to turn. *addi Hi Addi - I feel so bad for you as you are hurting. Unfortunately I agree. As the years have gone by - slowly I have found out who my true friends were - and they are not the same ones that were BFFs in school. Two of the friends I had at school I barely speak to - but when I do it's more to be polite. Even today I have very few really close friends. I don't know what it is about Rape Survivors - but with some of us - we somehow look past the trivilties of life and know that there is worse that can happen when friends are complaining about petty things. Somehow I think as Survivors we reach a deeper state of consciousness that is not easily found in someone that has not been through this - and as a result - our friends ar no longer on the same spiritual plane as we are. We no longer vibrate at the same energies with the same likes and dislikes etc. Trust me - true friendships are not always found in your age group - it is found in people that share your heart people that speak to your heart. Friends that betray you - or that upset you this much are not true friends. When you find a friend that is true - you will know it quite simply. Don't be too hard on yourself Addi - alot of Survivors are loners. They do have friends - but no longer as close as it used to be. Some find true friendship in one person - be it male or female. For me - my closest "friend" is my husband - all my other friends I wouldn't speak openly to - so they can't be that close. Another dear friend is a million miles away in teh United States. I rarely see her or talk to her - but when we do talk it's like we talked yesterday. This time will pass - and you will meet someone that you can call a true friend - don't worry too much about it...xo R »
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